our destiny in love

romance is in the life of the beholder

“Destiny of love” Photo by Reena Kapoor (c) 2022. Instagram @1stardusty

long walk

such have been the vanities of our time

we forgot the long walk and its debilitation

we loved and thought once was enough

we asked and did not wait for the answers

and now here we are taking for granted again

these mercies, our gifts and love that comes

once, maybe twice but withers as we fade

march on hold my hand take me along

let the wind sing or roar the road turn rough

the skies darken even as i sing and hum

the tunes of our long forgotten song

let me pretend i remember the words

my voice is the only one you won't forget

it will be here when you listen for me

i mind not this harshness

nor paying every price

for showing up every time

dulling my memory but not my passion

erasing this time of living but not my will

arresting all glory but not our desire

go, live, love...

From my debut poetry collection: Arrivals & Departures: Journeys in Poems

This is a poem I wrote over a decade ago about not forgetting why we seek love in the first place. Most of us, at one point or another, have wondered about our destiny in love. Who hasn’t thought of their most treasured relationships as “meant to be”? This idea of a grand and greater purpose in the realm of love has romantic appeal. It can also be comforting. But I think we overstate destiny’s role in life’s crucial relationships, and such determinism limits not just our agency but also life’s true romance. 

If we are lucky we meet someone we want to make a life with. We commit to it and if we make it over the long haul - and I mean happily for both parties - we often uncover better versions of ourselves. The people we love, having proven themselves essential to our happiness, are often pronounced “soulmates”. Such an arrival can be aided by luck but it demands work. Loving relationships are not to be taken for granted. But they rarely arrive perfectly packaged. Instead they develop from real people in real circumstances, making real effort i.e., our endeavors vs. an imaginary puppeteer defining love’s trajectory, blessing our paths.

Consequently, there’s nothing saying we couldn’t have met another and made a life with them. Obviously not the same life we have with our loved one(s) today, but potentially another happy one, albeit a differently happy one. I’m not suggesting we could make a life with just anyone by working hard enough or that luck plays no role. Rather it’s precisely the randomness of life that proves us heroic, optimistic, and noble when we strive, keeping ourselves vulnerable, to seek and nurture love despite the odds.

I want to acknowledge the work we put into our important relationships such that they start to feel like they were “meant to be”. I also want to caution against the notion of a “destined love”. Such ideas can keep us imprisoned in a bad relationship, even abuse, never imagining a better life or simply accepting our loneliness after hurt or loss; assuming no love is possible other than a singular preordained relationship meant to work in only one possible configuration.

The fact that other possibilities exist, and are more abundantly available than what our narrow concept of “meant to be” is willing to accommodate, makes life more joyful — AND romantic. To acknowledge this simple truth is to appreciate the bounty of life and love, while in no way diminishing our excellent choices today. 

All love is risk… yet… relationship happiness is essential to our complicated, lonely and often broken condition.

By the way, this applies to most of our relationships, including friendship (future post!) — even children to some extent. Worthwhile bonds demand work, against and with the odds. All love is risk. Yet it is worthy of our attention and toil because relationship happiness is essential to our complicated, lonely and often broken condition. And if and when we are graced by a lasting love or friendship it imbues life with meaning. It is how we make every second count!

love, love, love hearing from you!

I thrive on your responses and I respond to each and every one. It makes my days. As I’ve often said, we writers write in solitude and when someone says they heard us, it’s the best! Please keep it coming. And if can comment right on my posts (click “leave a comment”), that’s even better, because it improves the findability of my work.

help Ukraine

Please don’t get "used to" the news of devastation from Ukraine. Help as you can. Here is one excellent forum. A friend’s wife (of Ukrainian origin) and daughter are conducting a watercolor painting class. All proceeds will go to Sunflower of Peace, a US-based non-profit mobilizing medical/ humanitarian aid for Ukraine.

Register here: April. 30 / 8am PST / *Fundraiser* Sunflowers for Peace

**Even if you can’t make this time, registrants can watch the recording later**

throwback

The intrepid Finches from last year are back! Here’s more on these bossy creatures…

Fuss about Finches