October’s charms: Reclaiming our agency for renewal
Good luck does not make us virtuous. Nor does bad luck.
There is a curious contradiction in our culture today - of hubris and victimhood. First the hubris. A few years ago, I wrote a Haiku about our hubris in mistaking dumb luck in the accident of our birth with innate virtue.
Accident of birth
People mistake for virtue
Hubris comes easy
—
Reena
My verse and the old Urdu aphorism “Shaan-e-khuda thi, main na tha” (which literally translates to: it was the grace/glory of god, and not I) simply ask us to dismiss misplaced pride in gifts that came to us via a genetic lottery or via our birth in the right place, right time. Humility and gratitude for these gifts is the more appropriate response. Yet we find it easy to assume that all we have came to us because of our innate deservedness. Reflect even on the fact that when we lucky ones work hard, those labors and ambition almost always pay off, whereas even that outcome is not guaranteed for far too many in the world. Those not born into and with gifts may struggle to achieve similar outcomes despite greater resolve or exertions of labor.
That does not mean that our talents, gifts, hard work and ambition are not to be admired - they most certainly are! After all it is precisely such gifts combined with our labors that become the source of our contribution - the creation, innovation, invention we choose to bring - thereby growing the pie of human prosperity versus simply partaking in it. My protest is instead a caution at a personal level - a simple call for self awareness that arrogance in our gifts needs to be replaced with a humbler gratitude for such gifts, and perhaps a consideration for those who may be starting from tougher origins.
Having said that, I observe a parallel conundrum in modern culture when we mistake victimhood for virtue. As is often the case, these extremes are two sides of the same counterfeit currency. In wanting to be seen as virtuous, despite - and perhaps because of - our unearned gifts, we want to claim victim status. We think we must declare ourselves robbed in as many ways as possible in order to be held in high regard. This confusion stems from the same conflation i.e., our failure to recognize that virtue is orthogonal to luck.
But the fact is that virtue should be evaluated by how well and how far we carry our gifts to build and contribute, with and despite all the burdens placed on us.
Good luck does not make us virtuous. Nor does bad luck.
Too willing an embrace of victimhood despite our advantages or worse, a horrible pretense at victimhood for building status - a raging epidemic in our age of social media - robs us of an authentic life. We become perpetual second-handers claiming righteousness from others’ recognition of our (often imagined, even manufactured) ill-luck. We forget that such dilution takes away from the real suffering of people who deserve our help. We may even fall victim to those who profit in power and status in keeping us floundering in self-pity. A societal Munchausen syndrome may be leveraged in our name by exploitative leaders, politicians, and other charlatans. Sound familiar?
But perhaps most importantly, wallowing in victimhood robs us of agency in creating a life of meaning. We wait for perfection, a utopia of sorts, to unfold before we will agree to abide and participate fully. We forget that finding meaning is entirely up to us. In relationships, in love, in creating and building something of value that didn't exist before, in taking care of those who work with and for us, in raising a garden, in comforting a grieving friend, in the laughter of a sweet daughter, in breaking bread with friends, in a small reunion with girlfriends from decades ago and myriad other ways - much bigger than what I list and much tinier.
There is no prescription for how. But there are rules for what won’t work.
…finding meaning is entirely up to us. In relationships, in love, …in creating and building something of value that didn't exist before…
There is no prescription. But there are rules for what won’t work.
The good news is we can create meaning in almost any situation as long as we choose agency and an independent mind. After all, the “ultimate victim” Viktor Frankl did. Too tall an order for our common human condition? Perhaps!
But this is not meant to be a hectoring but a call for hope. After all, it's October - a time for reflection. It is the season when our leaves change color and fall, and we get ready to prepare for winter (apologies in advance for this northern hemisphere bias). A winter of reflection that looks forward to a spring of renewal. Note how often we find ourselves telling friends and acquaintances, “Let’s come back to that in the new year…”
It is in this spirit that I present to you a poem from my debut poetry book, which is a salute to autumn and to each of us for shedding our hubris and any second-handed victimhood, reflecting on our agency in deep gratitude and getting ready for a molting of meaning! Chin-chin!!
to autumn
edges of autumn seep into the air
the winds bring dry rustlings of leaves
my ears listen, as my face braces
for this love so harsh, so pure
the seasons come in their march
unaware of our waves and tides
unbeknownst to the promises made
forced transitions I shed my leaves too
i anticipate these moltings like rebirths
happy to see a new life ahead
for every day new, every breath asks its due
there is after all only this one happy accident
so up I rise and on I walk
always this love, and light and laughs
transformations arrive to lead me anew
daily deeply I thank my mad precious stars
--
Reena
From my debut book of poetry: Arrivals & Departures: Journeys in Poems
Extra: A little fun…
Last year I wrote a rap song called “Bollywood Rules for Women” - a satire on Bollywood’s sexist rules for women. I was lucky enough to be selected playwright-in-residence in the WEFT (“women enacte for themselves”) program by the inimitable Bay Area theatre company EnActe Arts, Inc. And this video was produced and broadcast by EnActe in April 2021. It’s now on YouTube for sharing.
Don’t forget to watch the credits for the wonderfully talented bunch that made this song come alive. I remain indebted to each of them. Please “like” us on YouTube and share with friends and family who may enjoy this distraction.
Extra: A Film Review
Poignant and thoughtful, Urvashi Pathania’s ‘Unmothered’ is a 17-minute short, released on HBO Max on September 27th, about a daughter’s grief upon the death of her mother. Here is my full review of the film published by India Currents Magazine: Unmothered: Debts Parents Leave, Even in Death.
The film is about the debts and unanswered questions parents can leave us with when they go. It is a short film yet it manages to raise deep questions and asks each of us what we would do when faced with mortality under the circumstances. Do check out the film. It is only 17 minutes long.