23 from ‘23
What I learned from this most recent spin around the sun!
23 from ‘23
As 2023 slips away and we enter a new spin around the sun, I want to wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year!
May we all find love and meaning in our endeavors ahead.
On this last day of 2023, I’m sharing with you a few of my notes, observations and lessons from the beautiful mess of life in 2023. Some of these I declare in wonder, others with curiosity and most with the hope that I’ll arrive a better version of myself whenever they come for me.
None of these are absolutes of course (some even repeats from last year), a few hypotheses, but mainly notes-to-self to get in shape! Here they are:
Parents are our original witnesses. Once they pass, there are no more excuses. It’s the ultimatum to own our lives, regardless of our relationship with them. Ideally, we take responsibility for our lives sooner, but this passing means the only adults in the room are the ones in the mirror.
Our children are how (we think) we’ll live on. Yet we can’t control what they do, where they go, who they become. Find the blessing in that.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you…—Kahlil Gibran
Luck, genes, randomness matter. A lot. We can kick and scream that life ain’t fair. The universe will shrug and move on. But never give a child that excuse for why WE can’t be fair.
All grief is love. The only way to avoid grief is to avoid love. Bolt the door and shut the windows. But how much darker would life be then!
Yet sometimes what we grieve is not love. It’s the loss of an illusion i.e., what we lost wasn’t what we thought it was. This illusory kind hurts too, but we can get over it by allowing our minds to sync with our hearts.
Relationships make life beautiful. But they’re like the people in them. They grow and change, sometimes into something unrecognizable. If so, let them go. Yet, keep a door open for those who may return.
Grudges and grievances constitute a kind of slow poison we’re drinking for others’ sins. Forgiveness is not about giving them a pass, but to relieve ourselves.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
—Lewis B. Smedes
The simple maxim “charity begins at home” is powerful enough to fix the world, along with our own woes. Helping those in need whether it’s friends, or even family, expands our vision and alleviates our own sorrows.
Distrust extremes and extremists. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Balancing (ostensible) contradictions is a sign of humanity, humility and wisdom.
Speaking of contradictions… Despite being an atheist (re. a supreme being), I’ve come to appreciate the importance of religion and ritual in living a fuller, more spiritual, yet more embodied life. Also because I fear the alternatives most atheists offer incl. their prescriptions for “the greater good”!
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
—various
When someone answers honest questions with credentials, I know I’ve met a charlatan. Best handled with healthy skepticism.
A commitment to truth above tribal loyalty takes unusual courage. Don’t confuse it with pro “activism” or the pretend-speaking-up people do when voicing opinions in sync with their in-group, which costs them nothing.
It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
People easily reveal who they are. Hear their words but heed more carefully their actions, their loyalties, their friends.
Anxiety is the fast train to losing our present, the here, the now. Anxiety of future loss is a kind of misplaced arrogance. Everyone has future losses in store for them. The universe isn’t singling any of us out.
Sticking with uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic— this is the spiritual path.
—Pema Chodron
Ditto for death! No one can know, nor control when or how we’ll die. Stop trying to control for that.
When offered reasonable prescriptions for a longer, better life, take them as prescriptions for living better NOW. Because nothing can guarantee a long life. Or a peaceful, painless end. Many good, gratitude-filled, brillant, engaged people suffer and die young while narcissists who spread nothing but misery live on, healthy as horses. None of it makes sense.
Which is why the only worthwhile count is how we live, how much with grace, gratitude and gumption. And how truly alive we are when we’re here. How or when the end comes is immaterial. Corollary: When you miss someone who’s gone, remember how they lived, not how they went.
To laugh often and much: To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Understand and internalize the fact that eternal life would be intolerable. It’s this very shortness of life that forces meaning.
Yet inherently life is without meaning. The good news is it’s all up to us. That’s also the bad news. Some people “have it all” yet chase more, more, more money, power, prestige, popularity. While others, even from the depths of adversity, find meaning in a grain of sand.
“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.”
―Carl Gustav Jung
When our self-worth comes from money and status, sooner or later we meet someone who’s impressed by neither. That’s the day we know our poverty.
Most of life is suffering. That’s reality — not pessimism. Denying the misery that surrounds us is to be at war with reality. But it’s also the reason for being grateful for each day that we find love, joy, beauty, kinship.
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
―Albert Camus
Our bodies tell us much that our minds keep hidden. Despite the evidence, we resist this notion because we think it’ll make us responsible for everything. That’s not the case. It simply means that along with our big brains, we need to also learn to listen to our bodies. Often the body’s the only avenue to what remains hidden, and its only pathway out. This is hard!
Many ills are alleviated with simple home remedies such as breathing and taking a walk.
I’m curious to hear if any of these resonated. What did you note from 2023?
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12.31.2023
Hi Reena, Very insightful and inspiring post. Spoken like a true sage. You covered so many different aspects and facets of our life as a human being. Loved all the items. The first Emerson quote made me think. It is easier to go away to read and write than to engage with the world and fight for justice and truth or other values.
This is perfect, Reena-so much of value in a single post and not a wasted word! Best Wishes for a Happy New Year and I look forward to reading you in 2024!