“…if we give in too easily to social norms.” This is it. We as humans are so desperate for acceptance that we agree to things contrary to our own soul.
I love the story of your courageous grandmother, for that was truly courageous.
Thank you for and writing to tell me. She was one of a kind—brave and one of the kindest souls too. These days people want to be “righteous” but have lost kindness. I try to remember her example.
I recently published an essay about my grandmother, but the anecdote that relates to what you're writing, didn't make it into that post.
My grandmother (now a 107-years-old) came into church one day with her ill husband, asked for a chair so he could sit, and was told by the priest that she should come earlier to mass next time. She was so angry that she walked out and turned her back on the church for good.
This story taught me that you should expect to be treated with dignity and care by people in authority and that you can walk away from their power when they don't treat you right.
Thank you Claire for reading and for that comment sharing the anecdote about your grandmother. I can understand her disappointment with that small man who dared to call himself a follower of God. My grandmother - a religious person herself who taught us many important things - always told us to not bother with god-men who were plentiful there... Would love to read your essay.
Welcome back, Reena. The pictures are wonderful! So much color. I remember your grandmother from one of your other 100 word stories. She is remarkable in the many choices she made for herself and for her famjly. I absolutely agree that we can become numb or despairing or just comfortable enough not to make changes and choices. I need the reminder to continue to look for changes I can make and also, to ask myself why I choose to do what do.
Thank you Emily. I appreciate that very much. Yes she is/was a guiding light to many. I like to remember the specifics of her life and choices for exactly the reasons you mention -- we all need a reminder for how we can own our lives more. And while not easy that's the path to not just a moral but also a meaningful life. Thank you for reading and sharing your pov.
I respect your grandmother's values! Your story honors her. Good grandparents are such a gift. Also, thanks for sharing these beautiful pictures of India.
"Wouldn’t we greatly simplify life if we simply said no—not for the sake of saying no—but when higher personal values are at stake?" Yes. It's funny because the Wall Street Journal just published a great article on personal agency: https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/your-power-to-choose-is-unlimited-cc8bc0cb (if you can't access it, let me know!)
Thank you dear Anna! I appreciate you reading and your thoughtful comment. She was admirable - never had it easy but she never shrank from what she considered was the right thing to do.
And btw the idea of "agency" (because this is so misunderstood in our current culture) is not an all/nothing state that is obvious to us on day 1 of a struggle; it can take time and a gathering of courage but just the knowledge or that tiny voice that tells us that our circumstances need not define us is the beginning of it...
Yes, I’d love to read the article but it’s behind a paywall.
I really like how you put this: "'agency'... is not an all/nothing state that is obvious on day 1 of a struggle" and the "tiny voice" as the start of it! Yes, agency takes time to build and functions across not just large choices but many small choices along the way.
Thanks again Anna - both for the article and for engaging in this conversation in a meaningful and curious way. Helps to uncover our truths as we make this journey.
I absolutely agree and align with the perspectives you presented through your story. True indeed that human courage is seen ever so greatly, unmarked by standards of education, societal status etc.
💯 dear Pragalbha! In fact sometimes it’s the more advantaged who are afraid, so scared they are of losing their privileges. Even more I guess in our social media driven times people “speak” a lot but there’s little evidence of real courage in their life…
Thank you Reena. I admire your grandmother. She knew what she needed to do and did it. Maybe someday, let’s hope, such obvious choices won’t require ferocious courage. Maybe someday, the reaction will be, “that makes sense.”
Yes! That would be wonderful. But given human nature we will always need our own clarity and courage in difficult times. Thank you as always dear Switter.
So nice to see you back. I was wondering what happened. Beautiful pictures of Rajasthan and beautiful and inspiring story. It does take lot of courage to stand up against traditions and people around you. I have my own regrets of not speaking up, It does take lot of fortitude.
Thank you Atul! It’s always affirming to have readers who express their resonance from my words. Much gratitude to you for that.
My grandmother was an inspiration. Yes she had a rare kind of clarity and you’re right it’s not easy. We’re all learning everyday and hopefully can convert our regret to learning and future wisdom. All the best to you.
“…if we give in too easily to social norms.” This is it. We as humans are so desperate for acceptance that we agree to things contrary to our own soul.
I love the story of your courageous grandmother, for that was truly courageous.
I very much appreciate this piece, thank you.
Thank you for and writing to tell me. She was one of a kind—brave and one of the kindest souls too. These days people want to be “righteous” but have lost kindness. I try to remember her example.
I recently published an essay about my grandmother, but the anecdote that relates to what you're writing, didn't make it into that post.
My grandmother (now a 107-years-old) came into church one day with her ill husband, asked for a chair so he could sit, and was told by the priest that she should come earlier to mass next time. She was so angry that she walked out and turned her back on the church for good.
This story taught me that you should expect to be treated with dignity and care by people in authority and that you can walk away from their power when they don't treat you right.
Thank you Claire for reading and for that comment sharing the anecdote about your grandmother. I can understand her disappointment with that small man who dared to call himself a follower of God. My grandmother - a religious person herself who taught us many important things - always told us to not bother with god-men who were plentiful there... Would love to read your essay.
Thank you, Reena. This is my essay: https://open.substack.com/pub/clairepolders/p/how-do-you-get-to-be-a-107-years
Welcome back, Reena. The pictures are wonderful! So much color. I remember your grandmother from one of your other 100 word stories. She is remarkable in the many choices she made for herself and for her famjly. I absolutely agree that we can become numb or despairing or just comfortable enough not to make changes and choices. I need the reminder to continue to look for changes I can make and also, to ask myself why I choose to do what do.
Thank you Emily. I appreciate that very much. Yes she is/was a guiding light to many. I like to remember the specifics of her life and choices for exactly the reasons you mention -- we all need a reminder for how we can own our lives more. And while not easy that's the path to not just a moral but also a meaningful life. Thank you for reading and sharing your pov.
Thanks Reena! So true. The details, and remembering them, are important.
I respect your grandmother's values! Your story honors her. Good grandparents are such a gift. Also, thanks for sharing these beautiful pictures of India.
"Wouldn’t we greatly simplify life if we simply said no—not for the sake of saying no—but when higher personal values are at stake?" Yes. It's funny because the Wall Street Journal just published a great article on personal agency: https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/your-power-to-choose-is-unlimited-cc8bc0cb (if you can't access it, let me know!)
Thank you dear Anna! I appreciate you reading and your thoughtful comment. She was admirable - never had it easy but she never shrank from what she considered was the right thing to do.
And btw the idea of "agency" (because this is so misunderstood in our current culture) is not an all/nothing state that is obvious to us on day 1 of a struggle; it can take time and a gathering of courage but just the knowledge or that tiny voice that tells us that our circumstances need not define us is the beginning of it...
Yes, I’d love to read the article but it’s behind a paywall.
I really like how you put this: "'agency'... is not an all/nothing state that is obvious on day 1 of a struggle" and the "tiny voice" as the start of it! Yes, agency takes time to build and functions across not just large choices but many small choices along the way.
Check your email for the article :)
Thanks again Anna - both for the article and for engaging in this conversation in a meaningful and curious way. Helps to uncover our truths as we make this journey.
I absolutely agree and align with the perspectives you presented through your story. True indeed that human courage is seen ever so greatly, unmarked by standards of education, societal status etc.
💯 dear Pragalbha! In fact sometimes it’s the more advantaged who are afraid, so scared they are of losing their privileges. Even more I guess in our social media driven times people “speak” a lot but there’s little evidence of real courage in their life…
Yess!!!🙏🏼💛
Unbelievable! Especially in 1946! Deep respect!
Thank you dear Santosh! Her clarity was amazing. Appreciate your comments always.
Thank you Reena. I admire your grandmother. She knew what she needed to do and did it. Maybe someday, let’s hope, such obvious choices won’t require ferocious courage. Maybe someday, the reaction will be, “that makes sense.”
Yes! That would be wonderful. But given human nature we will always need our own clarity and courage in difficult times. Thank you as always dear Switter.
But times, they are a’ hanging, Reena. There is a new sweet breeze blowing.
Love that ! You take care.
Welcome back. Beautiful pictures, so much vibrancy! I enjoyed this story and the extra context!
Thank you so much Brian! Appreciate your encouraging thoughts as always. So glad you enjoyed this.
So nice to see you back. I was wondering what happened. Beautiful pictures of Rajasthan and beautiful and inspiring story. It does take lot of courage to stand up against traditions and people around you. I have my own regrets of not speaking up, It does take lot of fortitude.
Thank you Atul! It’s always affirming to have readers who express their resonance from my words. Much gratitude to you for that.
My grandmother was an inspiration. Yes she had a rare kind of clarity and you’re right it’s not easy. We’re all learning everyday and hopefully can convert our regret to learning and future wisdom. All the best to you.
That was Chaiji, our grandmother, beautiful, resilient, always giving.
Loved the story, Reena.
She’ll always be an inspiration. And how simple she lived but with so much clarity. I learn from it. ❤️