The Dhobi

Real men do more than cry!

Mar 26, 2021

Photo “Laugh lines” by Reena Kapoor. On Instagram @1stardusty.

I wrote this in India, on the day after my father passed in late December of 2020.

The Dhobi
The dhobi* and I cried together on the terrace that day
My father was making a labored transition to his final rest
Struggling his body betraying him putrid, debilitated, weak
Everything he was not - my gentle giant, king among men!
..
Again I cried for my father who was going, a beautiful man
The bedrock for this ordinary girl from India!
Again it was dhobi who comforted me,
“I’ll be here whenever needed, ji-ji**” and he was!
..
We kept vigil for two nights together
He would repeat “you should rest, ji-ji" he urged
Then papa passed…
I sat here today; my eyes on a path to empty themselves for a lifetime
..
He said, “you fed him the last few days, you’re blessed ji-ji" and made me well up again.
His eyes were tearful too
His kindness to me, to us, will remain a gift
How did this man who has so little have so much to give?
—xxx—

*dhobi = literally means washerman, man who works the family's laundry - washes, folds, irons - by hand. No machine except (in his case) a coal-fired iron is available to him. He is part of the trusted help at my parents' home, always available in time of need. His attentive kindness and heart for what's significant will always remain with me.
**ji-ji or didi = literally means older sister. The help in India do not address those they serve by name; it’s always a formal designation and/or an implied relationship or something that simply means or equates to “ma’am” (often memsahib as in colonial ma’am. Brits!).

Extra…

The line between crazy, cool and creepy continues to blur even as I succumb daily. Here is an app My Heritage that you can use to re-colorize old pics. No biggie, right? BUT this app also uses AI to animate old family portraits. Think old family pics, especially grandparents who are long gone and/or you never even met. I have eternal curiosity for history and the past. So I tried it and I am stunned — and a little creeped out for obvious reasons.

Here is what I tried with a photo of my Nana (maternal grandfather) who was killed in a freak accident in 1946, so I never met him. Below is the original photo, which was taken in 1937. AND here is the animated version (click on link, please) I created with this app. Cool - and creepy - and crazy, right?! Made me wonder if he really smiled like that. I know, I know… deepfakes are coming for suckers like me!